ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
