Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
