Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
