My Higher Power is John Stamos
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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