dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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