woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
