i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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