dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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