he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
