how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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