If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
