It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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