I want to stick my p in your. b.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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