He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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