no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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