so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
