I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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