u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
