you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
