I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
