Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
