I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
