No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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