Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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