she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
