why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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