There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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