We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize