so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am one with the molecules
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
