respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
