I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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