Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize