Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
