If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
