Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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