turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
