Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
