You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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