Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
