Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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