i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
