I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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