You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
