I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He passed out mid-signature
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
