The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
