so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
