Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
