Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
