He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
