wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
