we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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