Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
