All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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