Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
