Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
