Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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