I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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