I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
