I wish I could punch you in the face.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
