what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
