You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
