Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
