She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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