Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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