Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
