Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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