At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
