i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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