It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
