a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
