then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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