Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then my night got REAL pukey
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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