Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
