Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
