god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
