i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
