chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
