I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize