Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
