dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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