Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
