So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
