I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
