Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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