also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We need to get me chipped asap
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
