i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
