what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
