My brain says no but my pants say off.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
