I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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