You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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