that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
