People in love make me want to vomit
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
