So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
