I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
