just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i now understand why vodka
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
