woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
