what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We are all done wearing pants today
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
