A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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