fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
